So , I’m back after a busy Christmas !
And … I have good news 🙂
The book is almost finished . Cover is complete 🙂 , few final editing touches and it will be ready to go …. EEK!!!!
Anyway- here’s a sneaky peak ( i’m So good to all of you 🙂 )
Hiya guys and gals , so those of you who already know me will know I’ve been working on my first book. This blog is to tell you a little about that as I’m in the final stages of editing and now The goal is so much nearer !!
Okay, so the book will be entitled “The Journey To Happiness- In Poetry” and it will be a chronological account of some of the most influential moments of my life , both good and bad .
I have always enjoyed writing , since I was around 6/7 years old . It has provided me with an escape during the darkest of times , it’s been my sanctuary when times have been tough, my dreamland when I’ve felt like nothing was going right. It’s been a release , a venting system, a way of dealing with emotional turmoil, especially this past few months.
So, I have had an adventurous life to date, with a criminal record , endless experiences , drug use , alcohol use , abuse , emotional distress, bullying and a lot more – all of which have provided a main focus for a lot of my poetry.
Despite all the bad things that have happened , there have been some fantastic things that have given me an opportunity to see things clearer.
I went on to have 3 beautiful children , I graduated Uni and I got my first teaching job .
I have been been lucky enough to be blessed with some amazing friends and family. All of whom have had a huge impact in my life .
So, I am expecting the book to be ready to purchase approximately the end of January and I can’t wait to share my journey with you all!!
Come back a little later for a few little spoilers on some of the poetry featured in the new release.
Love to you all,
Sarah xx
Hey all!
Well, the good news is, after fighting for AGES for an appointment I have finally been diagnosed. They have diagnosed me with Anxiety and Borderline personality disorder, now that is not as scary as It sounds. In fact here’s a small bit of information from the NHS:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. It’s the most commonly recognised personality disorder.
In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels or relates to others.
The symptoms of BPD can be grouped into four main areas:
The symptoms of a personality disorder may range from mild to severe and usually emerge in adolescence, persisting into adulthood.
I have been able to notice certain things that trigger me now, this can be anything from the closest people in my life disappointing me, to the house being untidy, to money , finances and sometimes I can just be down for no apparent reason.
It is important when you have mental health, to ensure that your family and those closest to you understand. This is something I still struggle with. I do try to explain my illness to the people closest to me, but how can you explain something you don’t fully understand yourself?
Mental health is tough like that.
It’s rough like that.
It is in our heads, we live with it every single day, they will never understand because they cannot climb inside our brain and pick the right words out to explain it.
So, getting them to fully understand and support you is difficult, they can try all they like to support you but sometimes they can make things worse.
Anyway, so after my diagnoses they decided I would benefit from a few different things. Firstly, medication, which has had no effect as of yet, guess we will have to wait and see. Secondly, they offered me psychologist appointments to help unpick my past and work out what has happened that has been the tipping point in my mental health. As well as that , they have also offered me some group therapy, which I am actually quite looking forward to, getting to hear how other bpd sufferers cope with their illnesses will be useful in self medicating.
Some people have asked if I am upset with the ‘label’ of ‘bpd’. My answer?
No. Not in the slightest.
I always knew that there was more to me than just anxiety, i always knew there was an explanation for the way I was sometimes, not having an answer made things worse, now I know- I don’t feel so ‘strange’, because I know there are millions of people with the same diagnosis.
If you know there is something wrong, keep pushing and keep fighting until someone listens. Plus, please do not forget that you can all contact me any time.
Lots of love,
Sarah xx
Hi Guys!
Thought I’d just have a little catch up with you all as it’s been a while!
So, as you know, the book is now out and available on amazon here: The Journey to Happiness . I have been spending a lot of time trying to build up an online social media presence, mostly on Twitter and Instagram. I have also started doing some poem/quote images, which seem to go down quite well, I will include some on the end of this post. Please , if you like them , feel free to re-share or retweet. I will include my social media details so you can add me on those accounts.
One good thing that has come recently though, my previous University have emailed me with the proposal of being a guest speaker, the opportunity to talk about my book, the process of writing it, the story behind it and also the self-publishing process. This is an amazing opportunity to get the book out there.
Remember, the reason for me getting this book done was; to help me heal from my past and also to help and inspire others. So, obviously, the more people that see it , the better.
It’s been a busy few weeks, I have found my poetry muse and have been writing a lot, experimenting with new styles and more challenging forms, hopefully this will go down well as I have also started submitting more to magazines and literary journals.
I have been thinking about writing ‘The journey to Happiness’ in a novel version for those people who aren’t keen on poetry, you’ll have to let me know what you think of this idea!
Well, as you should know if you have read previous posts and poetry of mine, I am a sufferer of mental health conditions. I intend to write a blog post detailing my diagnoses pretty soon, so you can read more about it then. At the moment , what I will say is that poetry is proving to be a great tool for self-medicating, however, it does make dark poetry.
One day I’ll write poems that are all about love and happiness, actually, maybe i won’t- bleeuuurrrggghhh lol!
Hope to hear from some of my lovely followers, hit the comments button below !
Much love,
Sarah xx
Twitter: BattisonSarah
Instagram: Sarah_Battison
Fcebook: The Journey to Happiness
Don’t forget to use the hashtag #Thejourneytohappiness, #TheJourneytoHappiness #thejourneytohappiness
Last week I had an interesting interview with Richard Archer, chair of Walsall Poetry Society. He asked me several questions regarding the book, the process of publishing the book and what inspired me to write it.
If you would like to check out the interview the link is : here.
I would like to take a moment just to say thank you to Richard for the interview !
Thanks 🙂
Later on today guys I am posting a couple of new pieces of poetry for you to look at, would love to hear your comments.
Sarah xx
There are so many charities out there these days that are raising both money and awareness for mental health. So many hashtags exist on social media: #endthestigma #bestrong and so on. Many soaps are taking on story lines that revolve around mental health, suicide and other associated conditions, in fact they have been for years. We see books upon books on mindfulness, self-help, true stories. So many magazines feature stories of multiple personalities, celebrities have written stories of depression, spoke about their own battles. So… why is it that there is still such a stigma?
With all these focused topics, why are people still speaking of mental health as if it is a ‘taboo’?
Millions and millions of people suffer with mental health across the globe. It is more common than everyday viruses. Yet, when we speak to someone who has mental health conditions , we automatically label them as knife wielding, shower killers who keep the corpses of their mothers locked in basements.
Well let me tell you, I have mental heallth conditions- and guess what? I am no Norman Bates!
I have been thinking about this topic for some time. How is it possible with all that we know, all the medical research, all the evidence, that we still stigmatise mental health and its sufferers?
I am all for the pro memes that surface on social media, all the GIFS dedicated to making ‘light’ of the situation, all for the campaigns and the mental health awareness days, but why do we do it? Mental health exists. That is that. Just as the common cold exists, but do we feel the need to commercialise a ‘national common cold awareness day?’ Or to run campaigns for charities that are trying to ‘end the stigma on mental health?’
It all makes no sense to me. We all know someone who has or is suffering with anxiety, we all know someone who is depressed, suffering with depression. We all have friends of friends who have bipolar or personality disorders. We all know people who have mental health issues.
Upon my research I landed amongst this goldmine of a table.
| Disorder | Share of global population with disorder (2016)[difference across countries] | Number of people with the disorder (2016) | Share of males:females with disorder (2016) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Any mental or substance use disorder | 15.5%[13-22%] | 1.1 billion | 16% males15% females |
| Depression | 4%[2-6%] | 268 million | 3% males4.5% females |
| Anxiety disorders | 4%[2.5-6.5%] | 275 million | 3% males4.7% females |
| Bipolar disorder | 0.6%[0.4-1.5%] | 40 million | 0.55% males0.65% females |
| Eating disorders(clinical anorexia & bulimia) | 0.14%[0.05-0.55%] | 10.5 million | 0.07% males0.2% females |
| Schizophrenia | 0.3%[0.2-0.45%] | 21 million | 0.29% males0.28% females |
| Alcohol use disorder | 1.4%[0.5-5%] | 100 million | 1.9% males0.8% females |
| Drug use disorder (excluding alcohol) | 0.9%[0.4-3.3%] | 62 million | 1.1% males0.5% females |
Table from https://ourworldindata.org/mental-health
268 MILLION people in the world suffer with depression! 275 MILLION with anxiety! The two most diagnosed mental health problems in the world , that’s a combined total of 543 MILLION people! Yet, still , we shun people with mental health, still we act like its ‘unknown’ , that we need to ‘raise awareness’. Why? Look at the amount of people who suffer with it, who live with its affects firsthand. Now, lets think for a moment, of each of those 543 MILLION people who suffer with anxiety and depression, how many family members do we think they may have, on average? Lets speculate and say at least 3 family members each, yeah? That’s over 1.6 BILLION people, who are more than aware of mental health. They may not understand it, but they’re aware of it. Remember, we have only looked at two from the table, make sure you consider that there are thousands of mental health conditions and very few on this list above. What does that tell you?
That there are billions of people worldwide who are at least AWARE of mental health. Out of these, there will be many with personal experiences, so why, oh why, do we still need to end the stigma? There should not be a stigma there !!
I guess I wanted to write this blog because I have mental health problems. I know of many people with mental health problems, there does not need to be so much effort put in to making people aware, we live in the 21st Century, people should already be aware.
I wish everyone could see it as it really is, to us suffers, mental health issues are our everyday reality. Not a stigma, not a taboo, not a fox fur or a meat dress. It’s not the latest dance trend or a hashtag. It is definitely not a topic that should be treated like a hot potato. People should just ask !
Don’t whisper or avoid people. Don’t stare or mouth things, don’t judge when Sienna hasn’t done her winged eyeliner today, or James hasn’t showered before gym. You have no idea what someone is going through and no amount of campaigns or hashtags can tell you that, you know why? Because you will never be able to climb into someones mind and see it as it is for them, you can only see what society tells you to see. What doctors tell you to see. Unless you’re a sufferer, you will never truly understand. But does that mean that we really have to #endthestigma? Or do we just get rid of it completely and accept people for who they are, Jekyll and Hyde included?
Mental Health Services
I can’t speak for other countries but here in the UK, there are so many options for treating mental health. The list includes; prescriptions, counselling, CBT, psychological therapies, support groups, mental health hospitals and more. So the question I have, when we know how many people suffer, why is there still a lack of funding in the mental health system?
Here’s my experience.
I have suffered with anxiety and depression since at least 7 years of age and it has been unnoticed. It is only now that I am an adult that I can go back and realise that I have actually suffered with this for a long time. As I got older my anxiety got worse, following rough experiences my anxiety got worse, my depression got worse. Earlier this year I was offered a course of CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) . For those of you who don’t know, CBT tries to identify original problems that have led to anxious behaviours. They try to help you recognise what has caused the brain to act in the way it does. Now, as much as I can see how this works for some people- it never worked for me.
I was beginning to get to a point where I needed help. I didn’t feel like me, I knew something wasn’t right and I needed help. I had already been passed on to a list referral for the mental health hospital.
I actually called my local mental health hospital and BEGGED them to see me. The guy I spoke to on the phone was so unhelpful. He told me that I did not meet the criteria for a referral to their team and I was being re-referred to CBT! The phone call lasted over 15 minutes as I tried to explain that I was ill, that I did not feel like myself, that I knew my issues had lasted for years and years and how I knew that there was something more to my mental health than just anxiety and depression. He wasn’t listening to me.
I even went as far as saying, look I am begging you for help and your’e not listening to me. What happens if I have an undiagnosed condition and I end up doing something silly? You know what he said? Well… you’re an adult, with your own capabilities, your own responsibilities. We don’t control what you do.
I went on to say I am sure that if anything happened to me and they did a review and found out about this conversation, that you would not be held partly accountable for the fact that I have begged you for help and you said ‘i do not fit the criteria’!
Anyway, less than an hour later I received a call from his manager, offering me an appointment with them! I am still awaiting an official diagnosis, but they have speculated on the idea of me having a personality disorder. Guess, only time will tell.
My point is- the mental health system still lacks in efficiency! No wonder there is so many adults who refuse treatment, or so many people who remain undiagnosed, so many suicides. We should not have to fight to get someone to listen, especially when mental health is so prominent.
We do not need to ENDTHESTIGMA, what we need is more funding put into mental health services so that people can get the help they need. Stop trying to make mental health more accepted, who cares whether it is accepted or not ? It is a very REAL thing and society knows that, people know that.
I hope that people can learn to just accept it, instead of trying to make it less of a ‘taboo’, it never needed to be a stigma in the first place.
Sarah xx
Click the link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Journey-Happiness-My-Life-Poetry/dp/1981988793/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534074544&sr=8-1&keywords=sarah+battison
I hope that you can all take some form of inspiration / encouragement from what I have written, I would love to hear your thoughts!
Please leave me reviews on Amazon and/or you can email me at: sarahbattison.author@outlook.com
Happy reading!
Sarah xx
A couple of weeks ago I took part in my first poetry slam and I am ecstatic to say that I came 2nd!!
Any of you who know me or who have been reading my blog, you will know that I suffer with severe anxiety, so even just standing there and reading my piece was an achievement.
The slam’s theme was ” Escape” and the piece I wrote in response to this is based on my last relationship. Unfortunately that last relationship was abusive in many ways and whilst he was with me I lost a part of myself. I was close to suicide, close to giving up, it was hard to escape from it and him, but I did escape eventually, although I still suffer with the repercussions today.
Please click the link to view the video on my facebook page.
Would love to hear your comments!
Sarah xx
Hi Guys and Girls,
So sorry for the delay in release, wanted to have a couple of opinions on the writing before I released, however GOOD news is…. ( drum roll please)…. I aim aiming for the book to be complete by the end of August!!
I literally have an hours worth of work left to to do now and then TA..DAH!!
Thank you for being so patient and I can’t wait for the release!
Sarah xx
My soul is no longer my own, my body feels like it is ran by a puppeteer. Anxiety has sucked me into the abyss and I cannot see an escape. Isn’t it funny what an invisible illness like anxiety can do to the human body? How you can feel its effects physically as well as psychologically? I have got to a point in my life where I do not know which avenue to turn, I am 28 years old and my anxiety still haunts me, as it has done for the past 15 years- atleast.
The piece I am going to share with you today is about my anxiety and the way my anxiety affects me on a daily basis, on a long term basis, on every basis. It is important that people begin to understand the mental torture anxiety suffers endure , maybe this will encourage some more understanding and we wont just be seen as ’emotionally unstable’ people.
If anyone relates to what I have written I would love to hear from you. Contact me at sarahbattison.author@outlook.com 🙂
Barricading Illness
I look blankly out of my window, watching people go about their business,
I wonder to myself, do they suffer as I do?
Staring at the pile of clothes on the floor of my bedroom after getting changed 15 times so far,
Yet I am still not comfortable in the clothes I wear,
Hell- i’m not even comfortable in the skin I am in !
How much easier would it be if I was thin?
I finally settle on one outfit, I daren’t look at my reflection again,
I am drawn to my ever-growing flaws and imperfections
and it makes me want to gouge out my eyes,
The amount of time I spend looking in the mirror must make me seem incredibly vain,
Yet it is only cries of despise that pool in the back of my wounded eyes and I have nothing but hate washing round in my brain.
I have to give myself a preparation speech just to leave my house, to open my front door
and even when i do – I spend most my time staring at the floor.
I cannot look someone else in the eye for a fear of what plays in their mind
are they mocking the flaws that I have- since they are so easy to find?
I cannot eat as I walk in the street and if I do- I try to hide it,
My body shakes with the anxiety that has taken my mind hostage,
that holds my voice in a padded cell.
But- I put on a brave face and force a smile so for most people, they’d never tell.
Every conversation I hear is about me, every glance from a stranger is mocking me,
I smile even though I’m consumed with misery.
All this is due to my anxiety.
I second guess every move that I make, hold grudges of my own,
Grudges against all my past mistakes,
all the heartbreaks,
and stare blankly into my phone.
I shut the curtains to eat my tea
even in my own house.
For surely if the strangers see me eat-
They’ll just make fun of me.
Night comes and I fight anxiety’s urge to keep me awake,
then I sit and cry at all this sadness it takes.
It is effort just to sit and cry,
when inside you want to die.
Even sitting with my own family sets off my anxiety,
constantly worried about what they think of me.
Are they mocking me?
Secretly judging me?
Maybe they think I have put on weight,
Maybe they think I have tried to survive- but it is too little, too late.
My anxiety still holds me hostage,
locked in the confines of my own mind.
Barricaded by an invisible illness
that consumes me.
My anxiety is me.
My true self still remains locked in the padded cell,
Remains at war with herself
as her subconscious tries to barter with the terrorist that is
my anxiety.
My anxiety
consumes me.
Sarah's World 